JarJar meets the Inquisition…

+++++ Examination Of Native Life of Planet #2236-A432. “Naboo”++++++
Comment To: Imperial Record GHT 5/2348798

Inquisition Record 21433 AAg45

Crossfile To: Post Astartes Insurgence

Tech-Biologios: Beastmen

Subjugated planets: Eastern Fringe

Input Date: 8453992M39

Author: Brother-Seargent Dereck

Input Clearance: Inquisitor Drahn

Transmitted: ENC Brittanica

Transmitted: Astropath Anth Keidis

Receiver: Black Sheep

Thought For The Day: Fire is Piety

+++File Begins+++
Inquisitor Drahn:    (speaking into recorder) Inquisitorial report, subsection 2.  We have brought in yet another of these beast things; the documented report shall refer to this one as Subject2.  The first subject was found dead inside the Porta-wrack cell, alone.  The guards insist that  no one entered the room.  Upon first investigation I found that the porta-wrack had been activated at full power.  Its not as if the poor thing could have turned the wrack on itself, the  machine stood about a meter away from the subjects head and the straps on is arms and legs were secure.  I will let this little act of enthusiasm on the guards behalf slide for now.  We have many  specimens and Adeptus Mechanicus Tech-Priest Biologus has requested 17 percent of our levy of  captured beasts for examination.  However, It will not be tolerated again.  Oh well, back to work…
Subject2:    Mesa no wanna die!
Inquisitor Drahn:    (speaking into recorder) Ah, they appear to use a form of bastardized Imperial standard.  This will make the Interrogation go much faster than anticipated.
Inquisitor Drahn:    Whosa is yousa?
Subject2:    Mesa Ja Ja.
Inquisitor Drahn:    Is that-ah yousa race, or yousa name?
Subject2:    Huh?
Inquisitor Drahn:    (speaking into recorder)  I refuse to believe that the Imperial Guard had such a terrible time routing this races’ armies!  They just don’t seem that intelligent.
Subject2:    Huh?
Inquisitor Drahn:    Indeed…
Inquisitor Drahn:    Who yousa?
Subject2:    Mesa Ja Ja, mesa Gungan.
Inquisitor Drahn:    Well which is it?  WHAT YOUSA RACE-AH?
(porta-wrack activated)
Subject2:    AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Subject2:    Gungun! Messa told you !
Inquisitor Drahn:    Aaaaaahhhh!  I see, and yousa name-ah isa Jar-Jar?
Subject2:    Yesa!
Inquisitor Drahn:    How bigsa isa Gungan Millitary-sa?
Subject2:    Wessa have a very fine army. Wessa warriors!
Inquisitor Drahn:    Is yousa Warrior?
Subject2:    Whosa? Messa?
Inquisitor Drahn:    (speaking into recorder) Reminder to Adeptus Mechanicus Tech priest Biologus: the large extremities on the head are not ears.
Inquisitor Drahn:      IS YOUSA WARRIOR?
(Porta-wrack activated)
Subject2:    AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
Subject2:    NO HURT! NO HURT! MESSA no warrior!
Inquisitor Drahn:    WHERE BE YOUSA MILITARY?
Subject2:    Army in city. Secret city, no metal warriors find.
Inquisitor Drahn:    (speaking into recorder) Note to Colonel Strauss:  This could be that underwater city that we bombed from orbit.
Inquisitor Drahn:    YOUSA REMEMBER METAL WARRIORS-SA?
Subject2    Yousa got funny accent. Me remember.
Inquisitor Drahn:    METAL WARIORS-SA SAY YOUSA NO LIKE EMPEROR…IS THAT-AH TRUE?
Subject2:    Emperor?! Hessa Bad!!
Inquisitor Drahn:    BLASPHEME!
(Porta-wrack activated)
Subject2:    GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Inquisitor Drahn:    (speaking into recorder) I am now increasing the power of the porta-wrack to level two.  Note to self: I can now understand why the Space Marines executed so many of these “Gungans” initially.  The words “Emperor be praised!” are part of Space Marines daily vocabulary.
Inquisitor Drahn:    WHY YOUSA NO LIKE THE EMPEROR?
Subject2:    Why yousa yelling?!
(porta-wrack activated)
Subject2:    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! STOP! NO KILLA JA-JA!
Subject2:    (pant, pant)
Subject2:    Emp-pera senda manny bomb-bad metal men!
Inquisitor Drahn:    (speaking into recorder) I’m afraid that this Subject2 doesn’t realize just what is going on.
Inquisitor Drahn:    Are the Gungans friends of the humanoid population of this planet?
Subject2:    Boss Nass and Queen makea big pact. Fighta metal men together!
Inquisitor Drahn:    Im-ah affraid not.  Queen-sa tried and executed as-ah Heretic-ah.
Subject2:    NOOOOOOO!  This is tyrrible!  (begins to cry)
Inquisitor Drahn:    Who is Boss Nass?
Subject2:    Boss Nass big leader of Gungun
Inquisitor Drahn:    (speaking into recorder) Colonel Strauss, It is just as I had suspected, these beastmen were working in concert with the subjugated humans.  Side note: They use the term Boss… cross  reference culture files with those of the Orks. This might help us fight them.
(Porta-wrack activated)
Subject2:    GAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Inquisitor Drahn:    Where yousa Boss Nassa?
Subject2:    Me no know! Jar-Jar forced to leave city!
Inquisitor Drahn:    (starts to push porta-wrack button)
Subject2:    NO!  Uhhh!  When in trouble, Gunguns go to sacred place.
Inquisitor Drahn:    What?
Inquisitor Drahn:    Where isa sacred place-ah.
Inquisitor Drahn:    (speaking into recorder) This might be some kind of chaos temple.
Subject2:    Yousa got funny accent. Sacred place is where Gunguns go when trouble comes
Inquisitor Drahn:    (brings up a map of the planet on view screen)  Point to sacred place.
Subject2:    Hmmm.. No looka like part of swamp I know…
Inquisitor Drahn:    Swamp?
Subject2:    Swamp where Gungun live!
(Porta-wrack activated)
Inquisitor Drahn:    Yousa point to sacred place-ah now!
Subject2:    GAAAH! No see place! No walka-round!
Inquisitor Drahn:    (bringing out a plate of fruit)  Yousa hungry?
Subject2:    Yousa give? No traps?
Inquisitor Drahn:    No trap-ah, yousa show me general area of sacred place, and I give you this food.
Inquisitor Drahn:    (holds food about 3 feet from him)
Subject2:    (tongue shoots out and takes the apple)
Inquisitor Drahn:    AAAAAAAAAGHHH!   BY THE EMPEROR!  THEY HAVE  SOME KIND OF MOUTH WEAPON!  GUARDS! GUARDS!  GET ME OUT OF HERE!  KILL IT!  KILL IT IMMEDIATELY!!
Subject2:    Oh-oh. Me thinka Ja-Ja do it again..
(sound of lasers firing)
Inquisitor Drahn:    (Pant, pant!)  Ahh.. Well..  It’s dead is it?
Guard:    Yes sir we think it is.
Inquisitor Drahn:    (speaking into recorder)  Well, this concludes interrogation 2.  Im handing the specimen over to The Tech-priest Biologos for examination of that damned mouth thing.
Inquisitor Drahn:    Go and get me another Gungan! But cut that thing out of it first!
Guard:    Yes sir!

+++ END OF FILE +++

Thought For The Day: Messa get far too mucha screen time!